I’ve had several ideas pop into my head in regards to what to write for my second story. Do I continue the timeline and start talking about 2026? Do I go more in depth about the specialist appointments? Should I start with my Graves’ Disease diagnosis at 15? The saying always goes, things come to you when you least expect it.
A lot of my journey has been trying to rediscover myself. What am I meant to do? What is my purpose? What are the things I need to be doing better for myself to be able to function in society as “normal”? What are the things that bring me joy? In the words of my physiotherapist, what do I need to do as an essential for me? The “must do’s” for me – and my health.
As many of you know, I danced throughout my childhood. I was not a competitive girl, but I dabbled into different styles, trying to expand my knowledge in dance. I was the kid who was absolutely obsessed with watching So You Think You Can Dance, having seen every season until I moved out and no longer had cable. I started when I was 8, doing tap & jazz. Dancing at the rec center in Oromocto, with Sandee Kilburn-Leech. I remember tap dancing to Crabbuckit when it was inescapable on the radio, and having to listen to it on repeat while practicing a tap routine. Now, I cringe every time I hear that song, all I hear is “shuffle ballchange” in my head. Oh the days of performing at the base theater at CFB Gagetown.
When I was 10, we moved to Rockland, just outside of Ottawa. Classes were more expensive, so I only kept training as a jazz dancer. One of my favourite numbers we did was a disco inspired routine to Turn the Beat Around. Unfortunately this time also included a bit of a cringe routine to Tarzan & Jane by Toy-Box. I think we all have that one routine we had growing up that we look back on and absolutely cringe over.
When we moved back to Fredericton my freshman year in high school, I trained at X-Treme, and then switched over to Bonnie Kilburn. I never wanted to train in ballet, I told my parents I would learn any style but please do not put me in ballet (sorry to all my ballerina friends). In high school I found my love for lyrical, kept training jazz, and did a year or two of hiphop classes. I absolutely loved dancing with Bonnie Kilburn, Mike was one of the best dance teachers I had growing up as a kid. You’ve definitely heard the name around Fredericton, he is the “Jonesie” in Monks and Jonesie’s here in Fredericton, and if you haven’t tried their naanwiches, you are absolutely missing out.
Fast forward to the end of my grade 11 year, and going into my senior year of high school, my Dad finds out we’re being posted to Kansas for 2 years. Overwhelmed with so many emotions about this move, it turned out to be an amazing thing for my dance experience. I started taking classes at Katie’s Acrobat and Dance Studio (miss you Miss Katie!), and things started to fall into place.
I got to assist both years I danced at Miss Katie’s Studio. I was dancing 3 times a week, and assisting for another two. I took up a new style to me, one I had absolutely heard of and fell in love with seeing “All That” on America’s Got Talent, which is clogging. No, not the wooden clogs that the Dutch used to wear, the amount of times I’ve heard that joke. Clogging shoes are basically tap shoes with “loose taps” that are not fully screwed in which gives them the extra sounds. I was able to attend my very first dance competition in clogging, and while I did not place, the experience alone was one I wouldn’t forget. Spending five days of the week at the studio, learning, dancing and teaching were some of the best moments of my dance life.
When I turned 18, we were posted back to Canada, to Ottawa. My father hit me with the “you’re an adult now, if you want to keep dancing, you will pay for your own classes”. While my father was absolutely justified in his statement, especially now knowing how much dance really costs, I was devastated. I was going into University full time, no job lined up, and classes were $500 for the term, I knew I needed to figure out a way to keep dancing. When I could afford it, I would take a drop-in house class to learn a new style, but that would soon end a couple of years later.
So, why the back story on my dance experience to talk about what is “essential” to me? My niece started to dance with Core Dance Collective a few years ago, and my heart instantly filled with joy. Seeing her on stage reminded me of all the amazing times I had growing up, and how I was so blessed that she was able to experience the joy and love to dance just like her Aunt did.
In the summer of 2025, amidst my rapid weight loss, I decided to take a chance on myself, and ask myself what was truly holding me back from dancing again. Part of it was my weight. I remember in my later teens, after Graves Disease diagnosis and I started to gain weight, I had such body confidence issues and I never wanted to be the “fat dancer”. Part of it was in spite of my specialists. When I had first seen my rheumatologist, he told me to lose weight and have a nice summer. I knew I needed to get stronger, as everything was always blamed on my weight. I didn’t choose for the weight to come off, but I could try to choose the body that lived in it.
I started to take classes last summer at Core. It was the best decision I could have ever made for myself. While it absolutely kicked my ass in the beginning, I knew it was what I needed to do. I continued to take classes in the fall, and was going to be in recitals for the very first time in 12 years. There is no better feeling than sharing the stage with your niece, having your family be able to attend, especially my grandparents who got to see their granddaughter and their great granddaughter. It healed the inner child in me that I didn’t know was still hurting so bad. I showed myself I could do it, I was able to perform at all 4 recitals, working full time the entire week, and did not miss a single day of work prior to or after it.
Dance has always been there for me through the toughest moments of my life. I was able to dance through my initial first diagnosis of Graves Disease and how hard that was on my body, I was able to dance through the scariest health scare of my life, and it continues to this day.
On February 2nd, 2026, my life changed again. I was driving my husband into work, and was headed to my chiropractor right after. We were stopped, waiting for someone to turn left, I looked over to him, surprised someone was turning left in this spot, and I heard the loudest crash of what sounded like a gun shot and was jolted forward. I saw pieces of bright blue metal fly across my windshield, and I realized at that moment we were just hit. I looked at my husband, asked if he was alright, he said yes, and I just cried. This was my very first car accident. I remember calling my chiropractor office 5 minutes after impact, mid sob, letting them know I wouldn’t be there for my appointment and what had happened. I also had a massage booked for later that morning. Appointments that would later end up being crucial to my recovery, and my diagnoses.
Just before the accident, I had signed up for another dance class, a 6 week program with Sole Collective, a new studio for me. The first day of class was February 3rd. My heart dropped. I was going through the motions, should I wait? Should I let her know what happened and try again when she does another class? Can I even physically do this? At this point we had no idea the extent of what my injuries were. I didn’t know anyone there, and had no idea what to expect. How do I explain this story to those who don’t even know me? I decided to go that night, introduce myself, and tell them about the accident.
After the car accident, being diagnosed with Whiplash and post-concussion syndrome, dance became mandatory. It became my rehab. I was able to attend 5 of the 6 weeks, while still dancing at Core. There were moments of tears, strength, resilience, pain, wanting to give up. The girls I met instantly became my cheerleaders, cheering me on each class, wanting me to succeed and get better. People I just met. I had forgotten about the community you make behind the classes, the friends who become family along the way.
I sit here writing this, the day before my recital week begins. This is my week, my week to shine, to show the work and effort I’ve put in these last 3 ½ months, to show how strong I am. To those who bought tickets, I can’t wait to perform for you, whether it be the first time or the hundredth time. To my dance family I’ve met along the way, from quite literally all over North America, I am blessed to have known you, to have met you, and I thank you for all of the support you’ve given me along the way. To my girls at Sole & Core, I absolutely would not be where I am in my journey without you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
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